


Popular Problems

by notaverse



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-02
Updated: 2011-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-24 06:12:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notaverse/pseuds/notaverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from Matchy: <i>AKAME. After YamaNade starts airing, Kame seems to be going the rl Kyouhei route w/ everyone fawning over him. Jin is none too pleased.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Popular Problems

As a popular idol group, KAT-TUN were used to obsessive fans. For years there had been people following them home, or ambushing them on trains, or snapping secret cell phone pictures of them when they were out and about. It had started out flattering, evolving into annoying, but it was nothing compared to what happened after _Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge_ started airing.

After filming Music Station, they emerged from the studio to find a surprise waiting for them: a sleek black limo with tinted windows and a sign with Kame's name on it.

Jin's spirits lifted immediately. "You called us a limo?"

Kame shook his head. "Not me. Maybe it's a prank - check for cameras?"

They were all too busy checking for hidden cameras to see the limousine door sliding quietly open. Three tall, muscular men wearing dark suits and sunglasses emerged, clamped a hand over Kame's mouth and tried to drag him inside. Since he always kept at least half an eye on Kame, Jin was the first one to notice. He managed to catch hold of Kame's legs just as they were disappearing into the car and yelled for the others to help.

KAT-TUN won the struggle with sheer numbers, though Kame's jeans acquired a few new rents and Koki's nail polish got chipped in the process. The men dived back into the limo and sped away before anyone could note down the registration.

"They didn't look like rabid fangirls to me," Nakamaru said after the group decamped to the nearest coffee shop to recover.

"I didn't even get to see them." Kame rubbed a hand over his bruised mouth. "I wonder what they wanted?"

Jin gave him one of those "I can't believe you're being this naïve" looks. "What do you _think_ they wanted? They sure weren't after charity donations."

"I'm assuming none of you arranged a kidnapping as an early birthday surprise?" Kame asked.

Everyone looked at Ueda. "Not guilty," he said.

"I'll just have to stay by your side night and day," Jin said to Kame. "You need a bodyguard."

"All five of you were standing right by me when it happened," Kame pointed out, "and it's not going to happen again. I'll stay away from dark cars and people who wear sunglasses at night."

Junno earned himself a sharp kick under the table from Jin when he commented, "That rules out Akanishi."

There were no more kidnapping attempts but things didn't stop there. Jin opened his front door one morning to find a mountain of envelopes and parcels waiting for him. It took him twenty minutes to dig himself out, by which time he'd established that almost the entire lot was for Kame. The sole item of post for Jin was a phone bill - the first he'd had in months, as his stalkers tended to make off with them.

Since Kame was much better than Jin at keeping his address a secret, his many devoted fans had nowhere to send tokens of their love. Johnnys Family Club didn't allow presents, only letters, and that simply wasn't good enough for them. Too impersonal. Then some bright spark decided to use Jin as a delivery boy.

"We shouldn't be eating all this," Yamapi said, finishing yet another box of chocolate. "Isn't it supposed to be for Kame?"

Jin swallowed the last bite of the tiny sponge cake and looked around for something else to open. "He's filming a drama, he can't eat it. I was trapped under all of this for nearly half an hour, Pi. I deserve it."

"And me?"

"Best friends share. Too bad Ryo-chan's in Osaka right now and all the Shirotas are in Spain."

Yamapi dug around in the pile till he came up with a heart-shaped bento box. "More for us. You think we should tell Kame?"

"No," Jin said firmly. "He doesn't need to know about this."

It was fun for the first couple of days but when Jin's neighbours started complaining that his mail was blocking the halls, he had to speak to the post office. It had the desired effect but did lead to some awkward questions from various relatives who tried to send him things, only to be told he was deceased.

By the time he got around to telling Kame, they had bigger things to worry about than an excess of chocolate.

"They're surrounding the building!" Koki complained, peering out the window at the sea of starry-eyed fangirls.

Kame didn't even look up from his manga. KAT-TUN's dressing room was always so noisy. "Of course they're surrounding the building. The doors aren't open yet so they can't come in and take their seats."

"That's true," Nakamaru said, "but they're all chanting your name, and the ones closest to your poster have all passed out."

Ueda joined them at the window. "I haven't seen a nosebleed like that since I was at the gym yesterday."

"Do you think we should go out and say something?" Junno wondered. "Someone might get hurt out there."

"Yeah - us!" Jin blocked the door, unwilling to let any of them leave. "They'll tear us to pieces just to get to Kame."

Nakamaru considered this a moment. "We don't even have to film _Cartoon KAT-TUN_ at all - we could send Kame out by himself, and within five minutes the audience would've passed out."

Sighing, Kame closed his book. "This is getting out of hand. There's got to be a way to stop people from wanting me."

"Don't look at me for suggestions," Jin said. "You're already tactless, blunt, bossy, competitive, annoyingly perfectionist - oh, and you've got a weird sense of humour and tiny nipples."

"But none of that stops anyone from wanting him," Koki rushed to defend Kame. "Especially you."

Jin was in no position to deny the charge. "Fine. Let's try a YamaNade tactic. Anyone got any eyedrops?"

"No, but if we talk about 'Shuuji to Akira' for about five minutes we should be able to generate enough tears between us to be convincing," Ueda suggested.

Kame threw a hairband at him. "The crying wasn't the point; it was supposed to help convince the girls that the guys all had someone else they loved."

"You do have someone else." Jin poked himself in the chest. "Me."

"And if I tell them that, we'll all be suspended. I need a girl."

Junno pulled out his cell phone. "Give me five minutes."

"I can get my own, thanks." Kame looked thoughtfully at the rack of costumes in the corner of the room. "What's your dress size, Jin?"

Quarter of an hour later, Jin was unrecognisable in a denim minidress and leggings (Ueda objected to these but was outvoted), plus a dark red wig and oversized sunglasses. Heavy makeup helped but the real key to the look was Jin's suede boots, which were kind of girly anyway.

"I can't believe I'm crossdressing to save you from rabid fangirls," Jin muttered.

"Careful; you'll smudge your lipstick." Kame settled a cute black beret atop the wig and they were ready to go. "Think of it as crossdressing to save hundreds of innocent young girls from fatal nosebleeds."

Before the studio audience was allowed inside, Kame slipped out to address them. He had every intention of thanking them politely for their affections but lamenting that he could not accept, because his heart belonged to another. Then he'd bring Jin out as proof, maybe hold his hand for a bit just to be convincing. The girls would all be upset, of course, but they'd settle down, word would spread and things would get back to normal.

At least, that was the plan. Unfortunately the director ruined it by sticking his head out the door and bellowing at Jin, by name, to get out of "that ridiculous costume". The situation reached boiling point, with the crowd so overjoyed by the sudden AkaKame revival (with crossdressing, no less) that their fangirl brains just couldn't take it. They passed out in waves.

Kame slunk back in, feeling that someone should call the paramedics to take care of the hordes of unconscious girls, but not quite sure how to explain why they'd fainted. Jin slipped off the wig with the hand that wasn't holding Kame's and broke the news to the others that there would be no studio audience today.

Or possibly ever again, unless they hired a small army for protection.

"The agency will never agree to pay for that," Nakamaru said glumly. "Maybe we can get some of the older Juniors to do it. Crook a finger at Fujigaya and he's yours, Kame."

"I thought we were supposed to be the tough group." Koki sounded confused.

"We are, but I can't hit a girl," Kame explained. "I know who can, though - even if it's just to tsukkomi her."

Jin picked up on his idea immediately. "You mean..."

"Yes. Get enough food together as payment and we should be able to bribe Kanjani8."


End file.
